Writing about discrimination is just as daunting as fighting it. But a few of our bloggers have taken the cudgels. Here they are:
Kiks dissects discrimination.
Mel Beckham hopes for something better.
Tobie gives his take on bisexuality.
Richie laments about pride and prejudice.
Désolé Boy tells the tale of a pink-laden land.
Melanie challenges.
Rocky slaps the wrist on internal discrimination.
Justin puts the D on discriminate.
Mu[g]en discriminates.
And Red tells us we are multifarious.
No one is ever too late to confront discrimination. And no one is ever too late to discuss it.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Pag-uutay-utay sa Diskriminasyon by Kiks
Kelan ba nagsimula ang diskriminasyon?
Sabi nila, nung nagkaron ng konsepto ng private property ang mga tao, nagsimula na ito.
Nung panahon daw ng slavery, walang problemang magjekjekan ang mga lalaki kasi superyor sila. Mababa kasi ang pagtingin sa mga babae – mga paanakan lang at walang maitutulong sa pag-unlad ng lipunan.
Noong panahon ng monarchy, maraming pwedeng gawin ang royalty (katulad ng orgy sa palasyo, lalaki man o babae) na hindi nila keri kung mahihirap ang gagawa.
Noong World War II, okey lang si Hitler sa homosexual relations sa pagitan ng mga Nazi soldiers (although nabago ito after some time) habang pinapatay naman ang mga nahuhuling baklang Hudyo at iba pa.
Nitong recent times, isang baklang kaibigan ko mula sa High School ang hindi pinapasok sa isang bar dahil nakabihis syang pambabae. Bakla ang may-ari ng bar.
May kinalaman ang salapi, o ang pagmamay-ari nito, sa usapin ng diskriminasyon.
Kaya siguro maraming mga baklang nagpupursigeng kumita ng pera para makabili ng condominium units o basta maka-akyat lang ng career ladder para makaiwas sa diskriminasyon.
At sa mga di maabot ang pangarap na bituin, tumatahimik na lang. Nagpapamhin. Nag-aasawa ng babae. Pumupunta sa bathhouse?
Treading the economic path was an easy way for many of us to escape discrimination. Sadly, some of us end up discriminating others, even our own.
And still, marami pa rin sa atin ang discriminated. Minsan, dahil bakla tayo. Minsan, dahil Pilipino tayo. Karaniwan, dahil mahirap tayo.
Maraming pwedeng gawin para solusyonan ang diskriminasyon. I guess, isa na don yung kanta ng Buklod na ni-revive ni Bamboo – na kailangang baligtarin ang tatsulok para tayong mga nasa ibaba ang nasa tuktok.
O diba, parang simpleng inverted pink triangle lang?
Hindi madali. Pero pwede. Pwede.
(Pwede nyong basahin si Kiks dito.)
Things Get Better by Mel Beckham
I believe in hope.
I believe in people.
I believe in opinions and choices.
I do not believe in discrimination.
In fact, I don't even think it exists.
I think I'm lucky to have never experienced being discriminated all my life. When I was a little girl, I often play with my sisters and girl neighbors because I can totally relate to what they play with.Dolls, dressing up, stationeries, jackstones and other girly stuffs.If they're not around I would gladly ask my younger bother and his friends if I can play with them and their toy guns and action figures.Of course, most of time they wouldn't let me because of my girly preferences. But that's fine with me. I understand if they don't like me playing with them and their toys.
During family reunions and other family affairs, I would always find myself alone in a certain corner, eating beside the flower pots. My cousins and other relatives would say "hi" then they proceed to be with their respective groups. On one occasion I overheard my cousin saying."Nandito pala ang nag-iisang bakla sa pamilya, who invited him?" But that didn't hurt me because I love my family more than their opinion. After all, Where would I be without my family? They're the only one that I have.
After college, I tried applying for a job in a multinational company. My level of confidence was at its peak considering how high my grades were. I would definitely land a job very easily. Or so I thought. After many attempts to be in the corporate world, I gave up. I thought my excellent scholastic record were enough to get myself employed but it's not that easy. Most companies prefer graduates from top colleges and universities and since I'm a graduate of some average school, I wasn't even considered. Oh well, it's their company and if their policy is to employ only graduates from top schools I guess I should move on, strive harder and prove to future employers that I'm a better choice than some "employment standards".
One time, my friends and I were on vacation, we decided to go to this posh resort. Upon checking in, we were asked to wait because there were foreigners who were also checking in even though we arrived first. I guess dollars and other foreign currencies are better than our Philippine pesos so we just excused ourselves and sat in the reception area while the newly arrived foreigners were getting accommodated.
There were no discrimination in the facts mentioned above. It's just a matter of understanding the situation and being more tolerant to the circumstances at hand. But I wish things were better. It would've been better if my brother's playmates saw how fun I was to be with, rather than seeing how different I was.It would've been better if what my relatives saw was how loving I was to my parents and siblings( I still am), rather than seeing me as the sore one. It would've been better if those companies I applied for saw how much of an achiever I was at school rather than consider my alma mater as an average school with average-performing products. It would've been better if the front desk personnel of that resort treated us equally rather than focusing on the foreigners with thicker pockets.
I do really hope things get better. Very soon.
(Read Mel's post here.)
I believe in people.
I believe in opinions and choices.
I do not believe in discrimination.
In fact, I don't even think it exists.
I think I'm lucky to have never experienced being discriminated all my life. When I was a little girl, I often play with my sisters and girl neighbors because I can totally relate to what they play with.Dolls, dressing up, stationeries, jackstones and other girly stuffs.If they're not around I would gladly ask my younger bother and his friends if I can play with them and their toy guns and action figures.Of course, most of time they wouldn't let me because of my girly preferences. But that's fine with me. I understand if they don't like me playing with them and their toys.
During family reunions and other family affairs, I would always find myself alone in a certain corner, eating beside the flower pots. My cousins and other relatives would say "hi" then they proceed to be with their respective groups. On one occasion I overheard my cousin saying."Nandito pala ang nag-iisang bakla sa pamilya, who invited him?" But that didn't hurt me because I love my family more than their opinion. After all, Where would I be without my family? They're the only one that I have.
After college, I tried applying for a job in a multinational company. My level of confidence was at its peak considering how high my grades were. I would definitely land a job very easily. Or so I thought. After many attempts to be in the corporate world, I gave up. I thought my excellent scholastic record were enough to get myself employed but it's not that easy. Most companies prefer graduates from top colleges and universities and since I'm a graduate of some average school, I wasn't even considered. Oh well, it's their company and if their policy is to employ only graduates from top schools I guess I should move on, strive harder and prove to future employers that I'm a better choice than some "employment standards".
One time, my friends and I were on vacation, we decided to go to this posh resort. Upon checking in, we were asked to wait because there were foreigners who were also checking in even though we arrived first. I guess dollars and other foreign currencies are better than our Philippine pesos so we just excused ourselves and sat in the reception area while the newly arrived foreigners were getting accommodated.
There were no discrimination in the facts mentioned above. It's just a matter of understanding the situation and being more tolerant to the circumstances at hand. But I wish things were better. It would've been better if my brother's playmates saw how fun I was to be with, rather than seeing how different I was.It would've been better if what my relatives saw was how loving I was to my parents and siblings( I still am), rather than seeing me as the sore one. It would've been better if those companies I applied for saw how much of an achiever I was at school rather than consider my alma mater as an average school with average-performing products. It would've been better if the front desk personnel of that resort treated us equally rather than focusing on the foreigners with thicker pockets.
I do really hope things get better. Very soon.
(Read Mel's post here.)
Inside the Circle by Désolé Boy
The land is pink and they say people are gay -literally. Here is a slab of land inhabited by people with merry faces, jokes and parties painted in their faces. Dwellers are intuned on a provoking thumpa thumpa. Sometimes outsiders refer to the group as federacion. I prefer the term family.
The same outsiders would frown whenever they take a peek. Eyebrows would curl then hushed conversations will follow. Then comes the suppressed gigglings. The conclusion, an established verdict by an ingrate jury in their pretentious courts.
Discrimination. It happens from the moment a gay yougster started swaying his hips on family occassions stretching to that moment of his strugglle for the much coveted promotion in his homophobic corporate world. Home, neighborhood, church, school. workplaces and yes, even here in the blogosphere, discrimination happens, like it or not. But these so-called discriminations are brought about by people who are either too narrow minded to understand or even respect our differences or by those who simply does not have a mind at all. Mostly, they are people who are not gays. Straight people.
In this vast playground we are all in, we gays suffer from bullying from these people who disagree with our way of living. But what we sometimes don't realise is the truth which that we actually have other bullies we are silently defending ourselves on - the bullies of our own kind. Yes, I am talking about discrimination within our circle.
Paul, a classmate of mine calls Dave, a guy from the other class, "baklang kanal." Long before, the gay runways are filled with muscle shirts and tight polos and ass-hugging skinny pants, floral dresses, tube and skirts reign the catwalk. Dave came from the old era while Paul epitomizes the modern gay guy with his chiseled chests (a product oh his gym addiction), well styled short hair cut (a product of trips to expensive salons) and a bulging cock. Dave, to avoid the everyday picking of Paul forced himself to adapt on what the runways are dictating. He cut his hair short and threw away his eye liners and mascara. He gave away his blouses and replaced them with polo shirts. Dave is no more a crossdresser.
But did Paul's bullying stop?
Sadly, no.
To Paul, Dave is still the school's "baklang kanal." Dave is skinny and dark. Far from Paul who's a handsome mestizo. Dave still got his high-pitched vocals while Paul teases him in his baritone voice. Dave took a hardtime following the trends on clothes, Paul always gets the latest.
The unspoken hierarchy boils down to one thing -masculinity. If the macho gay guys are laughing at what they call "screaming faggots" or simply effiminates, the other side are actually doing the same. Branded as phaminta (other version includes phamintang durog at buo) etc., they said these type of gay guys are pretentious and hypocrites, or as the gay slang says: echoserang palaka.
Seriously, the teasing and the pin-pointing may sound silly and funny to begin with but the issue actually has a serious shade to it. Isn't it not enough that we are being discriminated from outside our circle to create such kind of caste system? If we are to yell for the world to hear and recognize our difference shouldn't we recognize that we gays too have differences?
Dave's story of discrimination is just one example and there are of course many forms of discrimination within our circle. Probably the most serious of them is the discrimination of some gay people against fellow gays but are HIV positive. There hasn't been any formal move to address the issue but talks about it are currently on the rise.
I mean, being gay is not a choice but being what kind of gay a person is is his/her own choice. Drag queens, bears, muscled, trannys, butch, femme, bisexuals and whatever other labels we coined or might coin, it doesn't matter. It is one's expression of his sexuality. It is one's way of living.
Of course the anti-discrimination battle from the outside is a bigger deal but to challenge such deep-rooted matter, we must first establish a solidified unity within us to win this. Discrimination within us drags us from progressing faster towards our goal of equality. Discrimination within us further aggravates the struggle to acceptance of one's sexuality. It is pointless. It should end.
In defense of the pink land, the dwellers must unite and break their rankings to be able to hold hands together to fight the bullies. We cannnot effectively mobilise a campaign against discrimination if we don't walk the talk first. The fight against discrimination, I believe, must begin within us. Only then that we can fight discrimination as one solid big happy family, that hopefully one day our dream of equality would be realised.
(Read Désolé Boy here.)
The same outsiders would frown whenever they take a peek. Eyebrows would curl then hushed conversations will follow. Then comes the suppressed gigglings. The conclusion, an established verdict by an ingrate jury in their pretentious courts.
Discrimination. It happens from the moment a gay yougster started swaying his hips on family occassions stretching to that moment of his strugglle for the much coveted promotion in his homophobic corporate world. Home, neighborhood, church, school. workplaces and yes, even here in the blogosphere, discrimination happens, like it or not. But these so-called discriminations are brought about by people who are either too narrow minded to understand or even respect our differences or by those who simply does not have a mind at all. Mostly, they are people who are not gays. Straight people.
In this vast playground we are all in, we gays suffer from bullying from these people who disagree with our way of living. But what we sometimes don't realise is the truth which that we actually have other bullies we are silently defending ourselves on - the bullies of our own kind. Yes, I am talking about discrimination within our circle.
Paul, a classmate of mine calls Dave, a guy from the other class, "baklang kanal." Long before, the gay runways are filled with muscle shirts and tight polos and ass-hugging skinny pants, floral dresses, tube and skirts reign the catwalk. Dave came from the old era while Paul epitomizes the modern gay guy with his chiseled chests (a product oh his gym addiction), well styled short hair cut (a product of trips to expensive salons) and a bulging cock. Dave, to avoid the everyday picking of Paul forced himself to adapt on what the runways are dictating. He cut his hair short and threw away his eye liners and mascara. He gave away his blouses and replaced them with polo shirts. Dave is no more a crossdresser.
But did Paul's bullying stop?
Sadly, no.
To Paul, Dave is still the school's "baklang kanal." Dave is skinny and dark. Far from Paul who's a handsome mestizo. Dave still got his high-pitched vocals while Paul teases him in his baritone voice. Dave took a hardtime following the trends on clothes, Paul always gets the latest.
The unspoken hierarchy boils down to one thing -masculinity. If the macho gay guys are laughing at what they call "screaming faggots" or simply effiminates, the other side are actually doing the same. Branded as phaminta (other version includes phamintang durog at buo) etc., they said these type of gay guys are pretentious and hypocrites, or as the gay slang says: echoserang palaka.
Seriously, the teasing and the pin-pointing may sound silly and funny to begin with but the issue actually has a serious shade to it. Isn't it not enough that we are being discriminated from outside our circle to create such kind of caste system? If we are to yell for the world to hear and recognize our difference shouldn't we recognize that we gays too have differences?
Dave's story of discrimination is just one example and there are of course many forms of discrimination within our circle. Probably the most serious of them is the discrimination of some gay people against fellow gays but are HIV positive. There hasn't been any formal move to address the issue but talks about it are currently on the rise.
I mean, being gay is not a choice but being what kind of gay a person is is his/her own choice. Drag queens, bears, muscled, trannys, butch, femme, bisexuals and whatever other labels we coined or might coin, it doesn't matter. It is one's expression of his sexuality. It is one's way of living.
Of course the anti-discrimination battle from the outside is a bigger deal but to challenge such deep-rooted matter, we must first establish a solidified unity within us to win this. Discrimination within us drags us from progressing faster towards our goal of equality. Discrimination within us further aggravates the struggle to acceptance of one's sexuality. It is pointless. It should end.
In defense of the pink land, the dwellers must unite and break their rankings to be able to hold hands together to fight the bullies. We cannnot effectively mobilise a campaign against discrimination if we don't walk the talk first. The fight against discrimination, I believe, must begin within us. Only then that we can fight discrimination as one solid big happy family, that hopefully one day our dream of equality would be realised.
(Read Désolé Boy here.)
Siyam ni Melanie
Hangga't alam kong ako'y bakla...
Hangga't nararamdaman ko ang pagmamahal ng Diyos at ng aking pamliya...
Hangga't wala akong ginagawang masama...
Hangga't malinis ang aking hangarin...
Hangga't hindi ko tinatapakan ang kapwa ko para umangat...
Hangga't may paninindigan ako sa aking desisyon...
Hangga't may mga taong naniniwala sa aking kakayahan...
Hangga't napapasaya ko sila...
Hangga't may boses akong nagagamit para isigaw ang laman ng isip ko...
Deadma ako sa sey niyo tungkol sa aking pagkatao.
Eto lang ang masasabi ko sa inyo...
Wa-i akong care kung 'di niyo ako gusto...
Pati na rin sa inyong kuro-kuro.
Ang tanong?
Papansinin ko ba kayo?
(Basahin si Melanie dito.)
Hangga't nararamdaman ko ang pagmamahal ng Diyos at ng aking pamliya...
Hangga't wala akong ginagawang masama...
Hangga't malinis ang aking hangarin...
Hangga't hindi ko tinatapakan ang kapwa ko para umangat...
Hangga't may paninindigan ako sa aking desisyon...
Hangga't may mga taong naniniwala sa aking kakayahan...
Hangga't napapasaya ko sila...
Hangga't may boses akong nagagamit para isigaw ang laman ng isip ko...
Deadma ako sa sey niyo tungkol sa aking pagkatao.
Eto lang ang masasabi ko sa inyo...
Wa-i akong care kung 'di niyo ako gusto...
Pati na rin sa inyong kuro-kuro.
Ang tanong?
Papansinin ko ba kayo?
(Basahin si Melanie dito.)
[Technical Musings] Stopping Hate Begins With Us by Rocky
Lesbian & Gay Pride (185) - 28Jun08, Paris (France) by philippe leroyer via Flickr.
It's the second ever theorgy blogging day with the theme of "Discrinate, Not. Given the last theory was back in September and was about coming out, it's about time for another of these. I'm all for supporting the local LGBT blogosphere, or whatever you want to call it.
Discrimination - tricky topic when you get down to it. It's always easy to claim that someone is discriminating against you, but how often do you realize you're discriminating yourself? It's that nasty flip to the situation that we I feel we need to bring to the table as part of this theorgy.
Not bad, eh?
In this context, there are two general categories for discrimination - the external and the internal, for lack of better terminology. Ugh, I'm sounding so textbook right now, I apologize.
External Discrimination, at least from my perspective, refers to those people outside of LGBT circles who espouse messages of hate of exclusion against queers around the world. So you know who I'm talking about in this regard - Republicans, the Roman Catholic Church, and all those other cool cats we love to hate. You're probably going to see a large number of them staging a protest against the LGBT Pride March on December 4.
But that's not what I really want to talk about here.
Lesbian & Gay Pride (172) - 28Jun08, Paris (France) by philippe leroyer via Flickr.
Internal Discrimination is what I feel to be far worse than anything those bigots out there can throw at us. It's when members of the community get into the same acts of discrimination we fight against not just against others but against our fellow homosexuals. And yes, we all know this happens a lot. And you'd think that we as an oppressed minority would learn to be more accepting and understanding, in order to not further the injustice of discrimination we experience. But we don't - the sad realities of our human limitations.
It starts small, if we were to trace the origins of this sad behavior. A good example would be how LGBT personal ads that set all these requirements against only wantingstraight-acting guys, muscular guys, or whatever. Sure, we're entitled to be picky and we can chose to get together with guys of a certain type, if that's really your thing. I can't guarantee you'll find love that way since the physical attributes usually don't mean anything about who they are as people. The irony is that the guys who want straight-acting guys tend to be amazingly effeminate themselves, but I digress.
However when this kind of thinking creeps into general life, then it becomes very wrong. Case in point - a acquaintance of ours commented that he felt it was so wrong to have such "freaks" representing the community at the Pride March, which was one of the most horrid things I had ever heard. Instead of talking about him wanting to participate and represent the best of the community, he choses to stay at home and complain that he somehow doesn't approve of his fellow LGBT brothers and sisters.
And it doesn't end there - there are the kind of gay guys who don't want to associate with the overly flamboyant or effeminate since they're still in the closet but to the point that it's already offensive and hurtful. Just because you hang out with gay people doesn't make you gay - I think the world has figured this out. And thus hanging out with fellow queers will not out you! The only thing that really outs you is your own behavior, which tends to be rather flamboyant in its own right.
Or there are those that claim that you're "not gay enough". The ones that feel if you don't speak in fluent swardspeak or don't totally love Mariah or whichever female diva you're still holding on to, then you don't "deserve" to be gay. What's up with that?
The point is, the LGBT community is amazingly diverse and colorful. I'm not saying you need to be able to fall in love with just about anyone else. I'm not even saying you need to be friends with everyone else. But you do need to learn to respect each person for his or her uniqueness. You need to see the wonders and beauty in what makes each of us unique and amazing and special and fabulous and all that jazz. You can't end hate if you yourself practice it and support it and let it propagate. Then what?
So get off your high horse and learn to see the infinite wonders that make up the LGBT nation. Stop the hate.
(Check Rocky here.)
-Put the D in discriminate- by Justin
You're not homosexual enough if you haven't heard of Avenue Q... Listen...
Discrimination, racism, being judgemental, call it however you wanted to call it, it might be just a lighter or a harsher version of prejudice. Everyone is a little bit racist. I am. I tend to choose people who I hang out with, I tend to seclude those people who doesnt deserve my attention. I mean i dont pass judgements based on superficial things like skin color or the likes but I base my observation rather through how a person acts. I know, very paradoxical, considering I am an agent of human rights and utilitarianism. You'll get what I'm saying when you get to wear my shoes.
How is this related to http://theorg-y.blogspot.com/ project number 2? Bueno, I believe the frequent suicide of homosexual teens in the US smashed some sort of a bell in every homosexual human's head. It served as an alert signal that homosexual discrimination and bullying should stop. Im pretty sure you have seen youtube videos of people with a tag line "It gets better." If you have, then you are well aware that this global gay phenomena is happening.
Homosexual discrimination. I would personally be mad at you if you haven't heard of slavery, genocide, ethnocide and infanticide. They are branches of prejudice that includes death, lots and lots of death. To say the least, homosexual discrimination is actually a lighter version of these enumerated things.
Where is this post heading to? I wanted to give my condolences to the family who lost those teenagers because of homosexual discrimination. As harsh as it sounds, I would tell their children that they should not have done that. Homosexual discrimination happens. Should we accept it? NO! That is why I am so glad that things like this effective projects exists! It spreads awareness that strong homosexual people walks and will be dominating this earth! And we are not just shutting our mouths, we are collaborating to abolish the reign of patriarchy. Yes it would take time. REALITY CHECK! How long til buses were integrated? How long til African-Americans were allowed to be on tv? How long until Filipino immigrants were accepted abroad? It took years of movements and incidents to make these things socially accepted. And for homosexuality to be added to the list of norms, Im not too sure when but it would sure take long.
So, for every homosexual human being that will be able to read this post. Good luck to us and stay strong! Stay strong until the time when all gay people will be socially, spiritually and politically accepted. Who knows when? You might not know, tommorow, later, the next next day? Even I do not know. But one thing is for sure, there is hope that our dream society of equality, peace and love will surely come true. We all just have to wait a little while and be strong. Go for the gold, I mean rainbow!
Much love
(check his blog here.)
Discrimination, racism, being judgemental, call it however you wanted to call it, it might be just a lighter or a harsher version of prejudice. Everyone is a little bit racist. I am. I tend to choose people who I hang out with, I tend to seclude those people who doesnt deserve my attention. I mean i dont pass judgements based on superficial things like skin color or the likes but I base my observation rather through how a person acts. I know, very paradoxical, considering I am an agent of human rights and utilitarianism. You'll get what I'm saying when you get to wear my shoes.
How is this related to http://theorg-y.blogspot.com/ project number 2? Bueno, I believe the frequent suicide of homosexual teens in the US smashed some sort of a bell in every homosexual human's head. It served as an alert signal that homosexual discrimination and bullying should stop. Im pretty sure you have seen youtube videos of people with a tag line "It gets better." If you have, then you are well aware that this global gay phenomena is happening.
Homosexual discrimination. I would personally be mad at you if you haven't heard of slavery, genocide, ethnocide and infanticide. They are branches of prejudice that includes death, lots and lots of death. To say the least, homosexual discrimination is actually a lighter version of these enumerated things.
Where is this post heading to? I wanted to give my condolences to the family who lost those teenagers because of homosexual discrimination. As harsh as it sounds, I would tell their children that they should not have done that. Homosexual discrimination happens. Should we accept it? NO! That is why I am so glad that things like this effective projects exists! It spreads awareness that strong homosexual people walks and will be dominating this earth! And we are not just shutting our mouths, we are collaborating to abolish the reign of patriarchy. Yes it would take time. REALITY CHECK! How long til buses were integrated? How long til African-Americans were allowed to be on tv? How long until Filipino immigrants were accepted abroad? It took years of movements and incidents to make these things socially accepted. And for homosexuality to be added to the list of norms, Im not too sure when but it would sure take long.
So, for every homosexual human being that will be able to read this post. Good luck to us and stay strong! Stay strong until the time when all gay people will be socially, spiritually and politically accepted. Who knows when? You might not know, tommorow, later, the next next day? Even I do not know. But one thing is for sure, there is hope that our dream society of equality, peace and love will surely come true. We all just have to wait a little while and be strong. Go for the gold, I mean rainbow!
Much love
(check his blog here.)
The Battle for Sexuality by Tobie
I hate the fact that many don't understand the real meaning of being bisexual. Or at least many here in the Philippines intentionally misuse the term for their own purposes. For those who don't know what I mean, allow me this chance to explain. Bisexuality is more than just a gay guy who happens to have dated a woman in the past. Bisexuality is also more than just a gay guy who happens to act masculine. Bisexuality is definitely more than just a guy who is confused or in denial and is too afraid to embrace the term gay.
But sadly, and I speak about the gay circles in the Philippines, those misconceptions are more often than not believed to be truths. I have met people who insist that they are bisexual because many years back they actually dated a woman at one point in time. There have been encounters with groups that call themselves bisexual groups, a definition that they mis-appropriately believe applies to them simply because they avoid all the visible cosmetic, stylistic and audible cues that categorize a person as homosexual. And sad but true, there have been those whom I have met who are quite frankly gayer than a rainbow unicorn in heels who insist with a straight face that they are bisexual and don't understand why people assume they are gay.
And born from the corruption of the term is the blanket injustice of many claiming bisexuality does not exist. The term bisexual has been wrongly equated by many to be the clearest sign of a person being homophobic of oneself and afraid of simply embracing the g word.
But sadly, and I speak about the gay circles in the Philippines, those misconceptions are more often than not believed to be truths. I have met people who insist that they are bisexual because many years back they actually dated a woman at one point in time. There have been encounters with groups that call themselves bisexual groups, a definition that they mis-appropriately believe applies to them simply because they avoid all the visible cosmetic, stylistic and audible cues that categorize a person as homosexual. And sad but true, there have been those whom I have met who are quite frankly gayer than a rainbow unicorn in heels who insist with a straight face that they are bisexual and don't understand why people assume they are gay.
And born from the corruption of the term is the blanket injustice of many claiming bisexuality does not exist. The term bisexual has been wrongly equated by many to be the clearest sign of a person being homophobic of oneself and afraid of simply embracing the g word.
 |
| I am more than just infidelity, damn it. |
But no matter how many choose to exploit the term bisexual, its true meaning deserves to be understood, accepted and embraced.
I am a bisexual.
And I remain proud to be one.
I have always been one. And I will always be one.
I am not in a phase. I am not in denial.
And I am damned sure I am not the only one.
 |
| Our three official symbols. |
What makes me clearly identify myself as bisexual is knowledge that in all the times that I have fallen in love with someone, and by love I mean felt an emotional connection with another person that includes sexual attraction, intellectual stimulation and an emotional bond, it never mattered to me if that person was a man or a woman. The other person's gender was never a factor.
"Impossible!" some would declare, "To fall in love with another, regardless if that person had a dick or a pussy? How is that possible even?"
But that's just how it really is for me. In my life, I've learned that my reciprocity of another person's passions was lot hindered by a person's sex. I have found myself completely engaged in women just as much as in men, with only the individual's personality being a key factor if I were to try to decide who do I like more.
I have heard of what most naysayers proclaim: Surely, there is one I lean more towards. Surely, if I perfer men more, I should be gay and not bisexual. Or gay but in denial. But what does it mean if I prefer women more? Am I straight but pretending?
Ultimately, however, with my own experiences as evidence, I have come to understand my bisexuality as being able to love another person regardless of the person's sex. And if given a choice between a man and a woman, my answer would be: Well I'd choose whoever between the two I did love more.
"But what if you loved them equally? Absolutely equally in all accounts? Who would you choose?"
In all honesty, if such an unlikely scenario occurred, my answer would be, "Both."
A few weeks back, I got into an argument while chatting with one of my gay friends. We were discussing about the strange need of people to define everything when out of the blue, my friend declared, "What I hate the most is the term bisexual. It doesn't exist. No one can ever really love a man or a woman. Everyone who ever claimed to be bisexual is actually simply someone in denial about his being gay."
Had I never had my Jedi training, my friend would have felt me reach through the internet connection, wrap the projected tendrils of force around his neck, then pull him closer to smash his face against the screen. Not exist? I don't exist!?! I sarcastically reminded him that he was talking to a non-existent being, and rather than realize he had touched a nerve, the guy simply continued, "Not anymore right? I mean, you are seeing a guy now. So you've accepted you're gay."
 |
| Maybe you're all bisexuals in denial. |
 |
| If all it took was an act, then being gay is just an alternate form of rape. Clearly, that's not the case. |
 |
| Equality for all. That includes bisexuals, you know. |
And do we bisexuals need to have our own stonewall incident happen before we too are no longer discriminated by our fellow non-straight friends?
I am bisexual.
And I am loyal to my partner. Just because I find men and women attractive doesn't mean I am unable to keep myself aware of my own decisions. Infidelity is not the defining trait of one's gender. So why should bisexuality be confused as such.
Here's hoping within my lifetime a greater and more intelligence acceptance of bisexuality happens.
Like every one else, after all, we only want to be recognized and accepted as equals.
(You can view his post and his blog here.)
pride and prejudice by yosoy richie
it may not seem obvious, pero mahirap maging bading. we've always been stereotyped as screaming or flambouyant and at the same time immoral and improper. i have never actually been subjected to discrimination, but just being gay makes us a target. siguro i'm just grateful that if ever someone would attack me because my sexuality, i would know how to defend myself. subukan lang nila. but i think it's still sad that some of us are being persecuted by simply being true to himself. there are even countries which would sentence a man to death when convicted of being a homosexual. dito sa pinas, as much as we are tolerated, society still have that notion that we'd always end up lonely at walang magmamahal satin ng totoo. minsan nga para lang hindi awkward tawanan ko na rin lang. pero masakit parin. i think no matter what we do society will never really understand us the way we appreciate ourselves. nakakalungkot. siguro yun na rin ang dahilan kung bakit kami tatanda ng magisa. maybe if given the chance, we could prove to everybody that we are no different to our heterosexual counterparts and could live a happy marriage. pero personally, i respect the fact that society is not ready to accept that. sana lang mabigyan din lahat ng bading ng parehong respeto. hindi naman dahil nagbibihis babae ang iba ay may psychologigal disorder na. o kaya naman dahil parlorista ang itsura ay dapat nang bastusin. pati na rin yung mga nagtatago o mga closet gays are subjects of malicious gossips. sana wala nang ganito. tao rin naman kami. minsan nga mas nakakaintindi pa kami. kaya siguro, until the time comes when society opens up her arms to us entirely, iintindihin na lang namin.
(check his blog here.)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Read Me Next Week
One week from now, November 29, discrimination ends.
Or so we hope.
And even it does not, the second theorgy project on discrimination against gays will.
For all ye faithful, we look forward to receiving your posts.
Spread the love. Stop the hate.
Or so we hope.
And even it does not, the second theorgy project on discrimination against gays will.
For all ye faithful, we look forward to receiving your posts.
Spread the love. Stop the hate.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Discriminate, Not.
DOES IT ACTUALLY GET BETTER?
So you are not immoral?
Is legislation enough?
Or let us just not be bakla na lang?
Or bathhouse-hopping?
Discrimination happens to us – that’s you with an s.
It is as palpable as bad smog lingering on your shirt neck for days. It is just as riveting as being ostracized by your fellow bakla. While discrimination is a huge issue, it has angles, corners, facets, shades of grey. So it is what these sisters are offering us on a plate from Mondo – discrimination and your blog about it.
While it does take a while to take that big stain of our world's beautiful face, we can already do much even with a little scrubbing.
Deadline is November 29.
Publishing here on November 30.
And maybe no more than 700 words? Unless you can convince Mandaya yours is a show-stopper.
Email us your post - theorgyblog@gmail.com
(Now we need a good graphic to go with this project. Ideas, anyone? We'll give you a good head if you come up with one.)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I AM NOT YOUR CONCEPT - theorgy tease 102
The sisters have been away ever since that Iraq files got leaked. Somebody need to teach those bobbies a lesson.
Now that we have dusted off the last of them dried American sweat, we are now at that fold where everybody simply had to talk about this:
DISCRIMINATION.
First, they raided Queeriosity. And then those scandals involving Catholic priests and unknowing young altar boys. And of course, not to mention the endless hate crimes against us here, there and everywhere.
Something has to be said. And somebody has to make a stand. And we ain't doing it without a flair.
The announcement will be out this week, our deadline next month.
If somebody or something needs to be buried this time, it is discrimination.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Theorgy Tease 001
If I invite a boy some night
To dine on my fine Finnan Haddie
I just adore, his asking for more
But my heart belongs to Daddy
Or you could say: belonged.
Those who are viciously in love right now can snuck away their posts as the October edition of theorgy will not be about that.
But this:
As you chew/cringe/chastise on this, please await more details.
And forget it's Beyonce. Please.
To dine on my fine Finnan Haddie
I just adore, his asking for more
But my heart belongs to Daddy
Or you could say: belonged.
Those who are viciously in love right now can snuck away their posts as the October edition of theorgy will not be about that.
But this:
And forget it's Beyonce. Please.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
LABASAN NA! (updated at 11:45 PM, September 5)
They all came for theorgy.
All fifty of them
coming
one
after
the other.
The Third Groupies
Baklang AJ.
Carrie.
Jay.
Mr. Hush Hush.
Robert, the not so typical gay.
Soltero.
Toffer.
The Second Groupies
Adam.
The First Groupies
Bobby Barbecho.
Boss Becky.
Buquir.
Cursedgoodblessing at 27.
Dean.
Echoserita.
Ex Jason.
Fickle Cattle.
Jaytee.
Justin.
Lee.
Mandaya Moore.
Manila Raunch.
Mel Beckham.
Melanie.
Nimmy.
Red The Mod.
Richie.
Takeshi.
Thomasian Psychologist.
Von Draye.
Isang round pa nga....
oh and yes, you can click on the names of the 48 bloggers here so you can go straight to their posts here at theorgy.
All fifty of them
coming
one
after
the other.
The Third Groupies
Baklang AJ.
Carrie.
Jay.
Mr. Hush Hush.
Robert, the not so typical gay.
Soltero.
Toffer.
The Second Groupies
Adam.
J.
PJ.
The First Groupies
Bobby Barbecho.
Boss Becky.
Buquir.
Cursedgoodblessing at 27.
Dean.
Echoserita.
Ex Jason.
Fickle Cattle.
Jaytee.
Justin.
Lee.
Mandaya Moore.
Manila Raunch.
Mel Beckham.
Melanie.
Nimmy.
Red The Mod.
Richie.
Takeshi.
Thomasian Psychologist.
Von Draye.
Isang round pa nga....
oh and yes, you can click on the names of the 48 bloggers here so you can go straight to their posts here at theorgy.
and so they say.. Birds of the same feather flock together (My Coming OUT Story) by Mr. Hush Hush
This post may be a bit late, but still I want to contribute my coming OUT story (Theorg-y's collective blogging event).
I was a hermit when I was a kid. I literally spend my days waking up, going to school, go back home, doing homework and sleep. My mama was afraid to let me loose around our neighborhood, thinking I might be influenced by bad people (drinking, smoking and drugs), which I later learned I was thankful for as I never developed these vices in me. The best way I spent my free time was reading books, and guess what I was reading?? hehehehe Sweet Valley Twins (bongga!) hahahaha I got hold of a book by Francine Pascal and from that day forward, I loved how 2 identical sisters, though physical similar, were ultra-different on the outside.. and lo-and-behold, I can relate to Lily, the spoiled rich brat and best friend of Jessica (Elizabeth was too good for me then). I then learned to love the color purple, the color of royalty, and unicorn was officially my favorite animal and club! hahahahaaha Eventually, I evolved from Twins, to Sweet Valley High and then to SV University and believe me, I was saving up from my allowance to buy the latest edition of these books, all neatly arranged in my bookshelf, with plastic covers (done by my Mama, I didn't know how to then).
I recall when we we were in grade 4, me and my bestfriend transformed our pencil cases into mini-houses, rooms with sofas, tvs, people made out of paper. While everyone was playing ball out in the sun, we were contented with our own world inside the classroom, didn't want to be exposed under the heat of the sun. Even one of our barkadas had with him a facial wash, pond's I think (take note that circa 1992, facial wash were associated with females, there were no Nivea for men back then as an excuse to be vain), and he religiously goes to the bathroom to wash him pimply face, to avoid it becoming 'oily'. hahahaha kulang nalang magpayong kami, but of course, we were afraid of the prejudices that might be thrown our way, even if we wanted to! hahahaha
We were enrolled in an exclusive school (meaning, all boys!) and I guess by the time we got to secondary education, most of our batchmates knew we were a little bit different, we had our tender ways, so to speak.. and this led me to worry that my little brother (who was enrolled at the same school) might give me away to my parents. I was terrified with the idea that I might be disowned, disinherited ng mana (again yabang lang!). So I decided to talk to my brother. This transpired at our room:
Me: Bro, can I talk to you?
Bro: bout what, kuya?
Me: Well, you know, I've been meaning to tell you something.. You know G**, right?
Bro: Yup he's the cousin of my classmate why?
Me: Hmmm... Well I hang out with him and with O*#@* (and I named a few of my barkadas).. well.. I just want to tell you *gulp*... that I'm gay..
Bro: I know.
Me: (a bit shocked - I really thought I was masking myself well around my family) How'd you know?
Bro: imo barkada mga bayot bya..
Me: Are you mad?
Bro: No, I understand. It's the life you choose... Just don't talk to me about your boyfriends! hahahaahaha
Needless to say, I was relieved! It felt good that somehow I opened up to my little bro. Up to this day, I'm thankful that he has accepted me as I am and this made us closer (you can only imagine our 'wars' at home before). Now, I'm even appreciative that he seeks my opinion on the girl he's currently dating..
But I'm not yet ready to open up to my parents.. really. Even now that I am successful in life and probably can manage on my own, I still can't and maybe won't. I'm afraid that my Mama will have a cardiac arrest if she knows, and I just can't bear that thought.. hay. such drama.. maybe.. maybe someday.. but at the back of my mind, she probably knows. Maybe if she'll ask.. but really, I don't know.. I'll cross the bridge when I get there.
Well, honey's bugging me already to finish this off.. Bonding time na daw. hihihihi
Hush hush for now, hushkins *
Saturday, September 4, 2010
napaaga ang pag-amin ni toffer
ni toffer
lumaki ako na wala ang nanay ko sa tabi ko, she worked as a nurse abroad. every year 1 month ko lang syang nakakasama for her vacation break. kadalasan din na wala si papa dahil busy sya sa pag-eenjoy with his barkada kaya yung yaya ko lang yung nakakasama ko.
lumaki akong sweet and thoughtful sa mga taong nasa paligid ko. malamya kumilos, vain at very talkative sa klase.
nung nasa 4th yr college na ako, nagretire na si mama.
since then, hindi kami laging magkasundo, lagi kaming nag-aaway. di ko sya masisisi, at di ko rin pwedeng sisihin ang sarili ko.
alam kong lumaki ako na wala sya dahil din sa amin. para di ako maghirap pag laki ko. para makapag-aral ako sa mga bonggang schools, magkaroon ako ng mga gadgets, at lahat din ng luho ko.
wala kami nung sinasabing strong foundation, nung bond.
masasabi kong hindi kaila sa kanila na hindi ako straight.
ngunit tulad ng iba, hindi din namin pinag-uusapan yun.
***
nalaman ko after graduation na hindi nila ako tunay na anak.
opo, adopted ako. at dun ko din nalaman na ang tunay kong papa eh yung kapatid nung papa ko na nagpalaki saken.
okay na sana yun kaso dala ng menopausal ni mama, araw araw na talaga kami kung mag bangayan.
***
1st yr college ako nung nagsimula akong magrebelde.
naadik ako sa sigarilyo, every after dismissal eh diretso ako sa tambayan at iinom. pag-uwi ko sa bahay, tulog agad. at totoo yung sinasabi sa kanta na ''pag gising sa umaga sermon ang almusal'', yun yung kadalasang mangyari saken.
dumating sa puntong hindi na ako pumapasok sa mga classes ko.
kaya super sumbong yung mga prof at mga c.i. ko ke mama. si mama kasi yung clinical coordinator sa pinapasukan kong college kaya hindi maiiwasang hindi niya malaman yung mga katarantaduhan ko.
pinatawag ako ni mama sa secretary niya.
***
pagpasok sa office,
mama: gago ka!!! bat hindi ka pumapasok sabi nung prof mo?!
ako: (silent mode) para na akong iiyak pero pinipigilan ko, galit ako kay mama nun. alam niya yun. wala akong rason kung bakit ako nagrerebelde at napapabarkada. wala talaga.
mama: oh? ba't hindi ka nagsasalita?
ako: di mo maiintindihan! (kinabog ko mga telenovela nito) sabay tulo ng luha sa right eye.
mama: pano ko maiintindihan kung di ka magsasabi?
ako: BAKLA AKO!!!dun na ako humikbi ng husto..nakita ko kasi syang umiiyak. (wala na akong maisip na idahilan kaya sinabi ko nalang na problema ko yung pagiging bakla ko)
mama: MATAGAL KO NG ALAM, BATA KA PA LANG ALAM KO NA!
ako: super hikbi talaga ako at super iyak din si mama. dun ko narealize na mahal talaga ako ng nanay ko kahit di ko sya kadugo.
mama: OH ANO?AYAW MO NG MAG NURSE? ITATAYO NA LANG KITA NG PARLOR?
ako: iyak habang tumatawa...
***
NALAMAN KO NA NA OKAY NA NUNG..
sa sasakyan pauwi,
PAPA: oh?wala nang problema si biboy?
MAMA: wala na...
AKO: (NAKALUSOT NA AKO SA PAG AABSENT, NAKALUSOT PA AKO SA BAKLA ISSUE!!!) YES!!! SMILE AKO NG SMILE....
PAPA: good boy na sya?
MAMA: GOOD GIRL...:))
*****
ma, hindi man tayo ayos ngayon, nagpapasalamat pa rin ako sa mga pagkakataong pinakita mo sakin na hindi dugo ang batayan ng pagiging mag-ina...
''you may not be my mother by blood, but you used to be my mother by blood''....
i'm sorry and i love you, sana magkaayos na tayo....
*******
sa pag amin ko, naging mas malaya ako
hindi lang sa mga magulang ko, sa mga tao sa paligid ko
pati narin sa sarili ko
****
at dahil sa pag-amin ko
kaya ko nang iharap sa madlang people ang baby ko
.jpg)
kitty kat daw sya..
No way, Not yet. Yes! by Jay The Gardener
by Jay
(They say its better late than never. Haha. This is my contribution to the Theorgy blog which is about the topic "Coming Out")
OUT?
If I were asked that question, I would have answered it differently on different occasions:
-No way!-
"Baka bakla ka ha?" was what he teasingly said.
"Ulol, no way pj!" was my stern reply.
PJ was my bestfriend in high school. Ours was a weird kind of friendship because we started out as mortal enemies but ended as best of friends. During high school, I was the king of our block during then, in fact, if there were somebody new in the neighborhood, he/she would have to befriend me before he can get into the circle. He was the new guy who came when we were in junior high. At first I really thought that he was "mahangin" (but later found out that I just hated the fact that I was not the first one that he talked to). He was a instant hit with everybody (except me) because he was super cute, knows how to dance and very very charismatic with girls.
Since I thought that he was a threat, I ordered my friends not to befriend him (parang young mafia) to the point of plotting to beat him up. I only changed my plans when one time he suddenly came up to me and asked if we could go home together. From that day on, we grew a lot more closer to each other. We shared stories, we shared laughters and we shared secrets. And yes, we even shared "ejaculation" sessions together. After a month, we grew very close that he would sometimes sleep over at my place and he was already an accepted part of my family.
Since PJ came from a broken family, he was an easy prey. He was a lonely sheep while I was the willing shepherd, he was a lost soul and I was the light at the end of the tunnel., he was often sad and I was his shoulder to cry on. During his sleep-over, nobody in the house knew that we would hug each other tightly and would sleep in each others arms in the dark. He like me to comb his hair with my hands while he goes to sleep and I would like him to softly scratch my back in return. We would do all these things yet nobody wants to talk about it. For him, it was just showing how much we care for each other but for me, it was already my show of love and affection.
One time, I tried to crossed the line. When we were tickling each other, I suddenly pressed my face into his, our lips slightly touching each other. I was surprised i did it but he was even more surprised that something like it happened. In the middle of the night there was silence, the he spoke up:
"Hahaha. Oi kiniss mo ako ha. Yucks! Baka bakla ka ha. Sabihin mo na. Hahaha"
It was my time to be silent. I was deeply contemplating on what to say. Shall I tell him but lose him in return or just keep quiet and regret never to have told him what I feel. My heart was beating very fast at that time. Then I decided...
"Haha. Ulol PJ! No way pare! "
I guess it was the easiest way out.
- Not Yet! -
"When are you ready to do this?" He asked me looking deep into my eyes.
"I don't know" I answered and looked away from him.
We met online on the PlanetRomeo site. My account was direct to the point on who I want to meet and what are the things that I don't like...the things that caught his attention while browsing through hundreds of online users. He is AM and around five years younger than me. At first really thought that we would not hit it off because of the age difference plus the status. I was working as a manager then and he was still a student. Since I never had any outlet from work, I indulge myself in texting with friends (and flirts) from chatrooms and social networking sites. At first he was no exception, I would answer his casual "good mornings" and " how are you's". But after a month, he was the only one remaining among dozens of guys. That is when I decided to focus more on him.
We did not meet or even asked a picture of each other, again, this is one of the many things that my adventurous mind breeds. I told him that i want to know the person rather than the face. And he agreed. We wont on to be exclusive for two months and in those two months I admit that I have grown closer to him. He was the first guy whom I really professed my love. Because of this he was my very first boyfriend.
On the third month we met and to our surprise, we have even grown closer when we met. We were very pleased with the way we look. This was indeed the relationship that I really wanted. Smooth sailing, both parties are in love and of course...it was with another man. We have shared a lot with each other. From aspirations, problems and plans for the future. I was very very in love. But like every relationship, it has its ups and downs. The usual cause of our fights would be his giving so much effort of keeping our relationship private to the point of being so insensitive. It has never been my plan to tell the world that we have a relationship much more be so close to him in public. I am also not that kind of guy. In fact I am discreet...very very discreet. But I am sensitive enough to make sure that I balance things.
One time we had a huge fight because he was mad at me for making a simple comment at his Facebook account. The comment was nothing but "haha. you're funny" but he was paranoid and started saying things to me. This fight went on for days because he would not hear my side. This time, I was also getting tired of it all. We met and decided to talk things over hoping to patch things up. In the middle of our convesation, he asked.
"Okay, if you really want to announce to the whole world that we are an item, I am game! When are you ready to do this?" he asked me looking deep into my eyes. I did not see sincerity but rather mockery.
"I don't know. Not yet" I replied looking away from him.
I answered "Not yet" not because I am not ready but because I realized that he was not worth it...not worth of me going out!
The next day we broke sadly up.
"Yes!"
I really do not think that the time would come that I will say this word if I would be asked if I am ready to go out. Not until...
I will no longer be afraid to hurt my parents, friends and family.
I will be ready to face the mockery of the people around me.
And I can find the real person worthy of the decision.
That I can really say,
Yes! I am gay and I am proud of it!"
(They say its better late than never. Haha. This is my contribution to the Theorgy blog which is about the topic "Coming Out")
OUT?
If I were asked that question, I would have answered it differently on different occasions:
-No way!-
"Baka bakla ka ha?" was what he teasingly said.
"Ulol, no way pj!" was my stern reply.
PJ was my bestfriend in high school. Ours was a weird kind of friendship because we started out as mortal enemies but ended as best of friends. During high school, I was the king of our block during then, in fact, if there were somebody new in the neighborhood, he/she would have to befriend me before he can get into the circle. He was the new guy who came when we were in junior high. At first I really thought that he was "mahangin" (but later found out that I just hated the fact that I was not the first one that he talked to). He was a instant hit with everybody (except me) because he was super cute, knows how to dance and very very charismatic with girls.
Since I thought that he was a threat, I ordered my friends not to befriend him (parang young mafia) to the point of plotting to beat him up. I only changed my plans when one time he suddenly came up to me and asked if we could go home together. From that day on, we grew a lot more closer to each other. We shared stories, we shared laughters and we shared secrets. And yes, we even shared "ejaculation" sessions together. After a month, we grew very close that he would sometimes sleep over at my place and he was already an accepted part of my family.
Since PJ came from a broken family, he was an easy prey. He was a lonely sheep while I was the willing shepherd, he was a lost soul and I was the light at the end of the tunnel., he was often sad and I was his shoulder to cry on. During his sleep-over, nobody in the house knew that we would hug each other tightly and would sleep in each others arms in the dark. He like me to comb his hair with my hands while he goes to sleep and I would like him to softly scratch my back in return. We would do all these things yet nobody wants to talk about it. For him, it was just showing how much we care for each other but for me, it was already my show of love and affection.
One time, I tried to crossed the line. When we were tickling each other, I suddenly pressed my face into his, our lips slightly touching each other. I was surprised i did it but he was even more surprised that something like it happened. In the middle of the night there was silence, the he spoke up:
"Hahaha. Oi kiniss mo ako ha. Yucks! Baka bakla ka ha. Sabihin mo na. Hahaha"
It was my time to be silent. I was deeply contemplating on what to say. Shall I tell him but lose him in return or just keep quiet and regret never to have told him what I feel. My heart was beating very fast at that time. Then I decided...
"Haha. Ulol PJ! No way pare! "
I guess it was the easiest way out.
- Not Yet! -
"When are you ready to do this?" He asked me looking deep into my eyes.
"I don't know" I answered and looked away from him.
We met online on the PlanetRomeo site. My account was direct to the point on who I want to meet and what are the things that I don't like...the things that caught his attention while browsing through hundreds of online users. He is AM and around five years younger than me. At first really thought that we would not hit it off because of the age difference plus the status. I was working as a manager then and he was still a student. Since I never had any outlet from work, I indulge myself in texting with friends (and flirts) from chatrooms and social networking sites. At first he was no exception, I would answer his casual "good mornings" and " how are you's". But after a month, he was the only one remaining among dozens of guys. That is when I decided to focus more on him.
We did not meet or even asked a picture of each other, again, this is one of the many things that my adventurous mind breeds. I told him that i want to know the person rather than the face. And he agreed. We wont on to be exclusive for two months and in those two months I admit that I have grown closer to him. He was the first guy whom I really professed my love. Because of this he was my very first boyfriend.
On the third month we met and to our surprise, we have even grown closer when we met. We were very pleased with the way we look. This was indeed the relationship that I really wanted. Smooth sailing, both parties are in love and of course...it was with another man. We have shared a lot with each other. From aspirations, problems and plans for the future. I was very very in love. But like every relationship, it has its ups and downs. The usual cause of our fights would be his giving so much effort of keeping our relationship private to the point of being so insensitive. It has never been my plan to tell the world that we have a relationship much more be so close to him in public. I am also not that kind of guy. In fact I am discreet...very very discreet. But I am sensitive enough to make sure that I balance things.
One time we had a huge fight because he was mad at me for making a simple comment at his Facebook account. The comment was nothing but "haha. you're funny" but he was paranoid and started saying things to me. This fight went on for days because he would not hear my side. This time, I was also getting tired of it all. We met and decided to talk things over hoping to patch things up. In the middle of our convesation, he asked.
"Okay, if you really want to announce to the whole world that we are an item, I am game! When are you ready to do this?" he asked me looking deep into my eyes. I did not see sincerity but rather mockery.
"I don't know. Not yet" I replied looking away from him.
I answered "Not yet" not because I am not ready but because I realized that he was not worth it...not worth of me going out!
The next day we broke sadly up.
"Yes!"
I really do not think that the time would come that I will say this word if I would be asked if I am ready to go out. Not until...
I will no longer be afraid to hurt my parents, friends and family.
I will be ready to face the mockery of the people around me.
And I can find the real person worthy of the decision.
That I can really say,
Yes! I am gay and I am proud of it!"
My Coming Out Story by The Not So Typical Gay Robert
I guess I’m not the first one to do this but I believe it’s my time to share my own story, my own “coming out” story. I’m actually at work right now doing this because in the past few days, my boss might’ve forgotten to give me and my teammates directives. I fear disturbing her because she seems too busy to be bugged. Well anyway, let’s start the story.
Like other gay guys, I am not totally out of the closet. My friends, especially the close and the closest guys are the only ones who know about it. They even told me that they already knew about my orientation long before I outed myself to them. Some of my workmates don’t even know about me being gay not until I burst out and say “uy, may pogi oh!” in between meals. My family is mum about it but I’m pretty sure they already know. Perhaps it’s just something that needs not to be discussed anymore, something that would already be there “by default”.
I was in first year college then when I started feeling curious about the way I feel. Yes, when I was in High School, I used to hook up with girls and most of them even find me very gentleman-ish, very different from the kind of boys we had in our school. One day I went to this internet café (I still couldn’t afford to have my own PC) to check my friendster account. I checked the list of the people who recently viewed me then I noticed this guy I’m not familiar with. I still couldn’t tell if he’s pogi or not because I still didn’t have that kind of radar before. Kumbaga, choppy pa ang signal ng aking gaydar. I tried to open his profile and I saw this banner. It was G4M’s banner. Salarin talaga tong G4M na toh. Since I already had this feeling of being curious about the way I feel towards the same sex, out of curiosity, I enlisted myself in the said social networking site for gay guys. Only then I realized I wasn’t alone. There are a lot of other guys there who would want to be with another guy. All along I thought I was alone, that my feelings weren’t normal. At times I’d even think perhaps what I was feeling is something a normal guy would go through in this certain stage of life. After registering, I didn’t know how to navigate the website that much yet although it wasn’t really hard to learn to do so. Then I started posting pictures of me (when I still payat and gusgusin back then) and I continued checking out the site. After refreshing the page, I was surprised by this alert I got . Then I realized somebody sent me a message.
“Atenista?” the message wrote.
“How did you know?” I surprisingly replied. I thought he knew me by face.
“Uniform mo. By the way, I’m ****”
Ambobo ko talaga. I forgot I was wearing my uniform in that profile picture I posted. So I opened his profile and checked his pictures. I found him good-looking because he look a lot like that guy who always passes by our classroom in one of our classes. We got to knowing each other then we exchanged digits and started communicating frequently. Time came when we decided to meet up. Good thing it was the enrollment period at school so I had a reason to go out of the house without my mom interrogating me too much. When I met him, he didn’t look a lot like what I expected but he was cool enough for me to say “he’s fine”. Our meet ups became more frequent after that episode. Only then did I realize I was slowly falling for him. My classmates started noticing my blooming aura. They said I looked happier than before and that something looked different in me. Then I told them I was in love. They felt kilig and all yet they felt kinda shocked when I told them I was in love with a guy.
The love story didn’t turn out to be good. I experienced my first major heartache with my first homo love. It left me crippled for so long that it kept me from opening myself up to other guys who were willing to help me stand up again. Since I didn’t have that much gay friends, couldn’t find somebody I could confide to who would understand what I was going through. It took my almost 2 years before I tried opening the gates of my golden heart again. I continued living life and I started opening up more to my friends about my renewed lifestyle. Like I said, most of them told me they already knew that I was gay long before I told them about my preference. They told me that, yes, I was very straight-acting yet they could tell sby some of the gestures and expressions I make which made them doubt me. As I was trying to make myself used to this "life", it became somewhat a challenge for me to open up myself to people I recently meet. It would take me time before I come out because I don’t want people to start isolating themselves from me after knowing about my orientation.
Now that I’m all grown up, yes, I still have those kinds of heartaches, something similar to the time I first fell in love with a guy. I learned to flirt and be flirted, I learned how to be numb if needed. I also started getting used to opening up to people. Some of the girls even tell me “Nung nakilala kita, crush pa naman sana kita. Kaso bading ka pala” which does flatter me to a certain extent. Some don’t even have the slightest freakin’ idea until I say something that would shock them. I could remember my first coming out statement months back after my promotion and transfer to a different department:
Girl: Uy, they say ang pogi mo daw.
Robert: correction, maganda toh, MAGANDA!
That left her in awe.
I’ve grown-up to be that butterfly (so gay!!) that I didn’t really expect to be. I’ve grown from being naïve to being equipped. Although not yet fully, but enough to keep me strong. I still like being the guy that I am because everyone loves me for who and what I am. My straight guy friends even like me more now that I’m very open about being who I am. Most of those guys even love talking to me especially in drinking session because they find me more “sensible” compared to other guys. I get along well with girls because I have a taste for music, fashion and boys which is very usual for somebody like me. I also get along well with boys because I have this fascination for video games, action movies, guns, and other guy stuff. That’s why one of my friends quoted me as a “not-so typical gay guy”. Hence, Robert, your not-so typical gay guy has been born.
xoxo
Much Love
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