Wednesday, September 1, 2010

In by J

by J

The spotlight was on September, a poreless-skinned hunky law student. The celebration was very calculated. I was forewarned of the level of sensitivity of the reason why we were gathering that night. September was both happy and sad that he was finally out with his mom who caught him with another man in his room.

They were having sex, alright.

September said he was not ready yet, not to have sex with men, but to be caught by his mom. Who is?

But, really, can that be possibly planned? Like--okay, at 2 p.m. today, I will have sex with this guy I am going to pick up from the mall and I am going to make it sure that mom catches us sucking each other's dick. And to do that, to make sure that mom will be there, I will have to text her--Mom, I need your support. I'm having sex this afternoon. You must be there.

Of couse, he meant he wasn't ready to go out of that see-through cabinet yet. Not to his mom.

Looking at September that drizzly night--in that bar beside that bar called Boystown--I could sense the overflowing gayness in him. And he was happy more than sad.

He sang Christina Aguilera's Reflection. And he loved it when I did Helen Reddy's I Don't Know How To Love Him. And he adored I Know Him So Well. Another friend sang You Must Love me. We felt so musical that night. Broadway, it was.


January just recently arrived from NZ for the first time since he left the country when he was only 11 years old. He is 24 now. Days after his homecoming, he met February, my friend. Quickly, they became lovers. And because they're lovers, January often found himself spending the night with us. And overnights at February's.

January's mom began to wonder and asked too many questions about his friends. About us. And about February whom she already met. Feeling the pressure, one day, January decided to tell all.

"I walked with her her. I was really scared but prepared to go all the way that no amount of fear could possibly stop me from telling her the truth. The problem was I had no idea how to break it to her except to say that 'mom, di ko na kayo mabibigyan ng apo," said January.

And his spiel was followed. And the mom said--Bakit? Baog ka ba?


In one of our private conversations, May, whom I never thought of being a lesbian, sent me this--Sa sitwasyon ko, parang walang gustong mag-move on. Char! Basta, komplikado! Patunay yan na ang pagiging bakla ay pamumuhay sa panahon ng pakikidigma.


As for me, I have never been out. Not to anyone. And will never come out. I will always be IN. Forever. Char!

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