Wednesday, September 1, 2010

(Coming Out?) Headless Profile by Jaytee

by Jaytee

I accidentally published this a day early LOL. FAIL!

The term coming out seems too vague for me. What does it really mean? Am I even in the closet at all?

People define it as being true to who you are and freeing yourself from hiding, hence the term closet. The term hiding in the closet must have arisen from the determination of the so-called social deviants to hide from the clouded eyes of society. It's ironic really how we find solace in the confines of a closet but when we are little didn't we learn that that's where boogie man resides?

However, comparing this closet to that of the horror flick isn't helping much. So I'll just write about coming out under the premise that it's about conforming to labels and why I'm not doing it. I can think of 3 major reasons on top of my head why I choose not to

Some people are very certain of things around them. It's as if they see the world in black and white. I on the other hand do not. Even as a child, we learned that things aren't really what they seem. That the orange isn't really orange in color but it's merely the light that bounces from it.

You might say that I'm just indecisive but when did it say that we have to define who we are just for the convenience of others? That choosing sides is the only way to live?

Am I really gay? Am I straight? Bisexual? I seem to ask that often where it seems that identity is such a commodity nowadays. I find it to be frivolous to define myself in that manner but it's our [human’s] ultimate desire to belong however that I will eventually come to choose what label of sexuality best suites me and society.

People have images of themselves and others. These images help them to define who they are and better understand others.

This however is a double edge sword for if we fail to live up to the picture we paint of ourselves then we lose the definition of our identity. Shattering expectations are more often bad than good to the people who do it.

I do not necessarily fear the bigotry that may arise from coming out but rather the image that could be painted of me from all the stereotypes. Yes, I am shallow enough to be affected by people’s perception of me. We all are.

Most importantly I fear my reaction to myself.

I asked someone before when he will have a reason to “out” himself to his family. He simply answered, “When I have someone who will give me a reason to.”

It sounded cheesy and my first reaction was to tease him but when you dissect what he said, it seems logical and realistic. I mean if you’re like me who isn’t even conflicted with labeling himself then why the rush right?

This is not even me wallowing about my singleness. It makes perfect sense to out yourself only when all the right reasons are there and I’m not even talking about having a partner.

I do not answer to anyone and I don’t owe anyone the definition of my sexuality. That time may or may not come when I finally choose to label myself but until then I’m comfortable with the way things are now being a headless profile.

No comments:

Post a Comment