Things Get Better by Mel Beckham

I believe in hope.

I believe in people.

I believe in opinions and choices.

I do not believe in discrimination.

In fact, I don't even think it exists.

I think I'm lucky to have never experienced being discriminated all my life. When I was a little girl, I often play with my sisters and girl neighbors because I can totally relate to what they play with.Dolls, dressing up, stationeries, jackstones and other girly stuffs.If they're not around I would gladly ask my younger bother and his friends if I can play with them and their toy guns and action figures.Of course, most of time they wouldn't let me because of my girly preferences. But that's fine with me. I understand if they don't like me playing with them and their toys.

During family reunions and other family affairs, I would always find myself alone in a certain corner, eating beside the flower pots. My cousins and other relatives would say "hi" then they proceed to be with their respective groups. On one occasion I overheard my cousin saying."Nandito pala ang nag-iisang bakla sa pamilya, who invited him?" But that didn't hurt me because I love my family more than their opinion. After all, Where would I be without my family? They're the only one that I have.

After college, I tried applying for a job in a multinational company. My level of confidence was at its peak considering how high my grades were. I would definitely land a job very easily. Or so I thought. After many attempts to be in the corporate world, I gave up. I thought my excellent scholastic record were enough to get myself employed but it's not that easy. Most companies prefer graduates from top colleges and universities and since I'm a graduate of some average school, I wasn't even considered. Oh well, it's their company and if their policy is to employ only graduates from top schools I guess I should move on, strive harder and prove to future employers that I'm a better choice than some "employment standards".


One time, my friends and I were on vacation, we decided to go to this posh resort. Upon checking in, we were asked to wait because there were foreigners who were also checking in even though we arrived first. I guess dollars and other foreign currencies are better than our Philippine pesos so we just excused ourselves and sat in the reception area while the newly arrived foreigners were getting accommodated.


There were no discrimination in the facts mentioned above. It's just a matter of understanding the situation and being more tolerant to the circumstances at hand. But I wish things were better. It would've been better if my brother's playmates saw how fun I was to be with, rather than seeing how different I was.It would've been better if what my relatives saw was how loving I was to my parents and siblings( I still am), rather than seeing me as the sore one. It would've been better if those companies I applied for saw how much of an achiever I was at school rather than consider my alma mater as an average school with average-performing products. It would've been better if the front desk personnel of that resort treated us equally rather than focusing on the foreigners with thicker pockets.

I do really hope things get better. Very soon.

(Read Mel's post here.)

Coming Out by Mel Beckham

by Mel Beckham

Coming Out.


Isa ito marahil sa pinakamahirap na stage sa mga tulad nating gays. Mas mahirap pa ang mag come-out lalo na kung isa ka sa mga tulad ko na medyo healthy at masikip ang pinto na iyong lalabasan. Charing!

Seriously, aminin natin na despite the modernity of times hindi pa rin totally tanggap ang pagiging gay lalo na dito sa ating bansa na very religious and conservative pa rin in terms of tradition and culture. Kahit ano pang pag-aaral at advancement ang ginagawa at binibigay ng kasalukuyang academe ay hindi pa rin open and broader ang understanding ng karamihan sa ating mga mamamayan. Sad to say, isa ito sa mga dahilan kung bakit nahihirapang lumabas sa closet ang illan nating kapatid sa pananampalataya. Takot sa magiging reaction ng kani-kanilang pamilya at ang lipunan as a whole.

In my case, maswerte ako dahil I did not have a problem coming out as a gay individual. In fact, I had no chance of coming out because as far as my memory could reach, I was already a princess since I was a little gurl. Charing!

Oo promise, wala akong matandaang moment kung saan nagpa-pretend akong maging boy or straight. Lahat ng mga kalaro ko noon ang mga kapatid kong babae at ang mga neighbours namin na puro girls. Tuwing nagba-bahay-bahayan naman kami ay palaging girl ang papel ko. Sa totoo lang, mas nauna pa nga akong magkaroon ng Barbie doll kesa sa mga biological sisters ko eh.

When I became older, I realised medyo odd ang aking sexuality because my parents would often scold me when I play with the girls or my other gay neighbours. Doon ko lang yata naintindihan na hindi ako tulad ng ibang lalake dahil sa lamya ng mga kilos ko. I get uneasy whenever I’m in a room or place na maraming boys, feeling ko I don’t belong. Hahaha!

Fortunately, siguro napagod na rin ang mga parents ko sa kaka-reprimand sa akin dahil I was such a hopeless case. Hindi ko rin naman napagdaanan na pasakitan ako ng aking daddy para lang maituwid ang aking sexuality. Even my mother’s super strict attitude did not scare me. I was so confident and comfortable with who or what I am. I also did good in school, both academics and extra-curricular activities kaya kahit ayaw nila sa pagiging gay ko ay natanggap na rin nila eventually because hindi naman ito naka-apekto sa studies ko and I also am helpful at home in terms of doing chores.

When I finished school, I experimented to dress and appear more feminine and surprisingly my family especially my parents did not mind. Siguro I gained their respect that despite the pressure from society and our conservative relatives, I did good by finishing my studies on time, graduating with honours and landing a job on my first application.

Coming out is a difficult stage.

I’m just so glad and lucky that I never went through it. I admire our sisters who had the courage to come out now, putting their lives in a complex state . Strong enough to face the fear of risking their relationship with their families, friends and the society. To all of you who had gone through this obstacle, I wish I had your strength too.