Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Untitled Post by Bobby Barbecho

by Bobby Barbecho

I was nineteen years old when I came out to my mother.

We were sitting on metal chairs on our sunny garden. The sun was bright, the wind was a little chilly, and I was feeling not-so-nervous. I remember us drinking ice-cold lemonade in tall glasses. I can still hear the clinking of the ice in the glass, the taste of the square tuna sandwiches.

I love my mother and she adored me. I was spoiled rotten, still am, I guess.

"You were nine when I realized you were gay," was her response.

Apparently, she noticed how fixated I was with our family driver.

"I've accepted it already a long time ago," she casually said, lighting up a cigarette.

She then fixed me this look which always made me feel naked.

"I think the problem you have to deal with is whether you've accepted it already," she winked at me.

I smiled a little ruefully.

She knows me well, what can I say.

I'm a proud person. I really am.

For the past two years, I've had several flings and dozens of one-night-stands.

But nobody else in my family knows I'm gay.

Amongst my closest friends, only Sebastian and Xander know.

In school, in my previous jobs, I never came out. And I was never suspected, as far as I know (I am extremely straight-looking).

I definitely know, without a single shred of doubt, that I will never come out.

I don't need to, nor do I want to.

I don't proclaim to the world how straight I am by courting girls or pretending to be disgusted with how gay my acquaintances are.

I don't need to, nor do I want to.

I applaud other people's choice to come out and be proud.

I'm sure it's very liberating for them.

I am gay, and I am not ashamed of it. However, I don't think we all need to wave the proverbial rainbow flag. I don't tell people I am straight, nor do they ask if I am.

What would I say if ever they ask me if I am? I'll ask them to choose whatever floats their boat and just be content with that.

I have sex with men often and I have lots of fun with them. Is that enough reason for me to say to everyone that I am gay?

Tell me. Why?

I don't need to, nor do I want to.

I don't know if people will react to this negatively, as I am not sure if anyone reads this stuff of mine (Hello, one Follower!). But if they do, I am sorry for having offended you, if I did. However, kindly ask yourself first why you were offended. It's not like I'm telling you to be straight or pretend you are. I'm just telling you what I think and feel.

Feel free to live a happy life, everyone. :-)

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