Purging the Demons of the Constipated by Lord Fernandez

by Lord Fernandez

Today I live a life of Beauty, Peace and Love. I know – it’s a line that is usually reserved for beauty queens – but am I not one? Many years ago – I lived a life of denial, secrecy, and as one of my friends call it – constipation. My best friend actually revealed that prior to the day that I came out – I actually looked constipated. Looking back at the pictures – I must agree with her. Now that I live the life an openly gay man – my countenance is just a lot more relaxed – which I think contributes to my inward sense of being beautiful.


One of my favorite shows – and this will not be a surprise – is “Will and Grace”. Will’s character did mention that once you come out – you can never come back inside the closet. I agree with him because the act of coming out is very similar to that of being born into this world.

I remember the days/months/ or years leading to that fateful day. At first – I did admit to my closest friends that I recognize that if I find that the person I love is a man – I will accept it. Even during those moments – I could not get myself to admit that I am gay.

For most of my friends – they can actually recall the first time that they came out. I can remember it as well. I came out as a grown up man. I did not come out till I was in my late 20s. The first time that I admitted that I was gay was when I had dinner with a close friend of mine. Of course in response – she quickly set me up on a date with one of her friends who apparently was attracted to me.

After that – the revelation came to my other friends, some members of the family, and eventually my colleagues. Yes – I am openly out at work. The reactions are varied – but I will always cherish those reactions of joy and excitement from those who love me.